WEIGHT OF THE LOOKING GLASS tells the story of my journey from anorexic teenager to full blown activist working to spread the word that eating disorders suck. It is told in poetry form and covers the emotional aspects of hunger, appetite and weight obsession.
PROLOGUE:
Looking Glass
Head swimming
I make my pilgrimage
to the glass
look through the blur of tears
into large brown eyes
gazing vaguely back
Leaning over the sink
trying to see
beyond
what I see
This looking is an obsession of mine
after every time I throw up
all the bad awful stuff that tries to make me fat
I lock onto my reflection
Stand entranced
unable to move while the bile
delicately
drips
from my fingertips
Looking deeper
beyond my reflection
into my eyes
those watery eyes
so red from my retching
bringing out the
pretty green
I search
for something
anything
but the eyes reveal nothing
Chapter
One
See Me
My first time on
the way high dive
I cannot jump
am too afraid
want to crawl back down
that long long ladder
I stand shivering
hugging myself
caught in-between
victory and defeat
until I see my Dad
way down below
treading calmly
in the water
It’s
okay he calls
I’ve
got you
I take a deep breath
gather my fear
and flail and kick awkwardly
down to his strong waiting arms
Special
Purpose
I know
I was made for something
special
There is a light in me
that needs to shine
to brighten
the world around me
change things
for the better
I don't know
how I know
or when it will happen
or even
what
it is
I only know
I was made for something
special
and I will know it
when it comes
Dreamer Girl
I love to daydream
for long cat-stretches
escape into
my mind's own world
Teachers all
hate this about me
Except the art teachers
they love
what comes out
drawings
and
sculptures
collages
and masks
and I wish that art class
lasted
all day
Drowning
Mom and Dad fight
at night
I am full of fear
My tears shape
a pool of sleep
as my parents scream their hate
I dream that my bed is floating in a sea of black
that fills my room and threatens to drown me
it is blacker than the color black
It is the angry black of void
I desperately cling
to the familiar white headboard
of my raft
Suddenly I am
falling
falling
until I jerk awake
and try to decide
if the dream is over
Thus begins my journey...
WEIGHT OF THE LOOKING GLASS is a call to arms for the over media-cated and insecure girls who find themselves twisting their priorities to include one desire above all others – to be thin.
Thank you to all who have requested copies of the book, I hope to have publishing news soon. Please email me la@dreamer-girl.com with any questions or comments.